Barnett's (Losing Grandma B)

I have been seeing quotes like the following on different friends Facebook pages & felt the need to share why they resonated with me.

"Once the glue of the family passes away,

 holidays are not the same," 

My Grandma B was DEFINITELY, HANDS DOWN, IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE WITH, THE GLUE of our family.  She checked in with each of her 6 & their families at least once a week. She'd call our house and often get me. I'd crack up laughing cause instead of saying, "hello," she'd say, "well?" I'd answer, "well, you called,".. "well, where's your mom? Is your dad ok? What are your brothers up to? Are you doing ok in school?" She'd want the run down & then she was good. Grandma sent us all birthday cards and would often sneak in some stamps or $2-$3 in them. It was what she had. All she had she gave. She was selfless and giving, the most generous person I've ever known. 

I don't really know when the Drs discovered my Grandma's sickness. I never really even understood it all but that she had a rare lung disease. She was having to make many trips to Wenatchee for medical appointments. After talking with her children, majority vote was that Grandpa and Grandma sell their home in Conconully and move to Wenatchee. That was devasting news to me. All my best childhood+teen & beyond years were in that home with them there...  I didn't have life figured out at all but everything within me cried about the injustice of losing the Barnett house & Grandpa's tinkering shed, honeymoon shack (a 2 bedroom & a bathroom shack where guests often stayed & where my brothers and I lived one whole summer. Not to mention Grandpa's garden which was the talk of the town... Amazingly well kept & producer of the biggest & best carrots,sweet corn, potatoes, snap peas, raspberries... Wonderful produce... All gone! I didn't have any money, say of what happened or anything else that happened but sure despised the outcome. My home away from home was lost.

So Grandpa & Grandma B moved to Wenatchee. I couldn't drive to see them as much. But I stayed in touch with them well. Seems pretty quickly that Grandma was placed on oxygen & had to use a CPAP machine. She called it her pig mask and just hated wearing it. She went downhill quicker than I was even realizing looking back. One of my last few visits was to let her know that some opportunities had come up for me to go to college and nanny for my room & board in Oregon. I began school & next month my great Uncle passed. I was close to him so I made the trek to his funeral service in Conconully. Grandma B wasn't well. Grandpa B was tore up over the death of his brother. It was a hard visit! I did get to help her write some letters & brought her some cute hummingbird collector items...I always liked to spoil her.

I got like 20 days break for Christmas and again made the days long journey home (it was a10 hour drive) . Christmas always has a magic to it. That wasn't lost on Grandma. She seemed chipper. She was so glad to be surrounded by her family, her inheritance that she'd so heavily invested in

 Grandma pulled me aside & gave me a good sized box of trinkets. She said she didn't want to wait for this box until she was gone. It had a few precious moments collector items for me & she asked if I would divvy up the rest or keep it as I saw fit. I argued with her a little that it was ok. She'd still be with us awhile. But she must have known she was soon heaven bound.

On January 12, 2005 fresh out of my shower & getting ready for school, I got the call. Grandma passed this morning. I packed as much as I could, as fast as I could & drove. The pass was awful & Wenatchee's roads were a sheet of ice. I drove. I couldn't think of anything but to get to my Grandpa and hold him. No words needed or available. Just hold him then my family members, then back to Grandpa and hold his hand. How could I comfort this man who had sacrificially and wonderfully loved his wife of 53 + years? How could life go on for him? How could life go on for me? I just wanted to go fall in her lap and let her play with my hair and comfort my broken heart as she had since my early years. But Grandma was gone. The heart of the family, my heart was gone. 

When I arrived at my Uncle's house where all the Barnett's had gathered, everyone there was in shock. Hugging and crying, reminiscing, trying to console Grandpa, just all in disarray. Several greeted and hugged me. Several more let me know that they were waiting for me to write her obituary. Did I mind? Of course I don't mind. I would be honored. Anything I can do for her, please anything at all. I wrote the best summary I could & tried to include all the most important aspects of her we'll lived amazing life. 

When the time came to view Grandma's body, I was caught off guard. The mortician had styled her hair with bangs straight back. She always curled her bangs down & I couldn't remember a time she didn't have bangs. He had penciled in her already dark eyebrows and put an obnoxious red lipstick on her. Typically Grandma wire a gloss or light pink. I called my cousin, a beautician and told her we HAD to fix Grandma's hair and face before anyone else saw her. It wasn't how anyone would remember her. So we did. A few other cousins came too. All became quickly upset when they felt Grandma's body- do stiff & cold. One insisted we put socks on her feet. I did so as to comfort her but said you know Grandmas feet aren't going to warm up hunny. This is just her body, the shell that held her. Grandma is not here. 

I came many times to view Grandma's body. Most of my cousins asked me to go with them, some of my Aunt's & Uncle's, my great Uncle's (her baby brothers that argued by her casket). I told those brothers they'd better stop or Grandma was gonna roll over & give them the what for. I just was t-here. I went to Grandpa's house and got the jewelry that he wanted his sweetheart to wear at the service. He just couldn't do it. I was honored. I got the bottle of "Beautiful" fragrance that Grandma used to wear. I went back and gently sprayed her & put the ring on her stiffened finger. I was honored. I had so much time with Grandma's body and full closure. I knew all that made her wonderful- her heart, soul, spirit, thoughts and feelings- all the things I loved and admired her for were gone to Heaven. It eased my pain immensely to know she was breathing with new lungs now & never having to wear that pig mask again. 

Her service was lovely. She was treasured and loved by so many. Each of us 6 grand daughters had yellow roses for her (her favorite flower) and each of her 6 grandsons were pallbearers. Grandma had meant the world to us and had made each of us feel important and like her favorite. She had touched so many lives in the Wenatchee area and in Conconully... Wherever she went, good would surely follow. A smile, a hug, advice, a warm meal, a listening ear. That was my Grandma.

Life went on because that's what life does.  

Ready or not. Fair or unfair. And I learned the hard way what life is like without one so close to me. I treasure every moment that I got with my grandma and cherish the memories. I can't play Rook without thinking of her. Sometimes her stories run through my head & I laugh at loud. Once in awhile a family member says that I remind them of Grandma. I smile and say thanks! I wish! Oh to be like her. I write to my people and I write a lot. I try to keep in touch with my family- her kids &'grands as she would have had me do. I'm honored. It's all good. I'm just doing what she modeled for me. 

"We grew up in an era where everyone flocked to Grandma's, Aunt's and Uncles houses. Nowadays, these kids don't even know their cousins,"