A Muse to Amuse, A Thought to Think Upon

 So maybe you're like I was? Watching the news or reading the paper, listening to friends share their experiences or just scrolling through Facebook memes and hearing of people dying alone &/or being isolated. It seems like I heard about senior citizens the most & it was hard to see them so desperate to talk to or just say goodbye to their families. Some got to do facetime with their loved ones, some weren't given that opportunity. All spent their time in the hospital without any visitors. The truth is I was EXPOSED to that story of isolation with several examples. However, I had never EXPERIENCED any of it before being in a COVID ward myself. I was not prepared in any way for what was to come. I realize I can't speak for everyone who has or will suffer from COVID Hospitalization, but I'm sure most will nod their heads at something I share & say that they experienced similar things. I don't have any recollection of my first several days except saying ove...

I have been seeing quotes like the following on different friends Facebook pages & felt the need to share why they resonated with me. "Once the glue of the family passes away,  holidays are not the same,"  My Grandma B was DEFINITELY, HANDS DOWN, IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE WITH, THE GLUE of our family.  She checked in with each of her 6 & their families at least once a week. She'd call our house and often get me. I'd crack up laughing cause instead of saying, "hello," she'd say, "well?" I'd answer, "well, you called,".. "well, where's your mom? Is your dad ok? What are your brothers up to? Are you doing ok in school?" She'd want the run down & then she was good. Grandma sent us all birthday cards and would often sneak in some stamps or $2-$3 in them. It was what she had. All she had she gave. She was selfless and giving, the most generous person I've ever known.  I don't really know when the Drs disc...

My Grandpa & Grandma Barnett were very devout Christian people. They attended the little community church at Conconully. Grandma played organ & Grandpa had a booming base voice that led the church in song sometimes. Grandma was an alto & had an ear for singing harmony. I loved that they were musical and they passed that on to their children. My dad was gifted with a beautiful high tenor voice. His brothers & sister all could sing too, so there was a lot of singing during family gatherings. To me, it sounded as good as any recording available. I felt lucky that my family loved music. I felt happiest when they'd sing old hymns and proud when I could carry the melody on because I usually knew the most verses. Music was a big part of my Grandparents life but more importantly God was in every part of their lives. I can't remember a morning that I'd not see Grandpa praying in the living room for his family. He was usually silent but at times I could hear him calli...

 Now, please realize that part of why I'm blogging is for my own sanity- to be able to remember &recollect, find right wording, tell my story & share my story. And with great hope that something I say might resonate with someone who's reading & speak to them in some way.  I don't remember much before age 5 & I guess that's probably "normal recall." The Barnett's were (are still) a large family. My dad is one of six children.  Those six had 12 kids-the cousins- we were a dozen strong, with 7 older than me & 4 younger. Life seems so much simpler when I think back to those times. I think it's partly that I was a kid & sheltered from the weight of the world. But I think the other part was that the world & our nation wasn't being bombarded with all the madness that we are these days! We were more of "One Nation Under God," we are not ONE in our current state & we're not concerning ourselves with God... When ...

So I shared some bullying stories to establish the fact that I was always told I was fat, STUPID and ugly, so I always BELIEVED I WAS. I really struggled to get decent grades, except for in Chorus & English. I almost failed the Math classes & had to fight for the D I had. I think my GPA was a 2.3 or so, barely passing.  In one of the first childcare trainings I attended, they presented Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs I sat and cried as everyone wondered what was going on. For the first time I realized I wasn't stupid I just didn't have the basic needs of feeling safe & belonging. I was in a warzone and all consumed making strategies of how I could get myself down the hill home @ days end or which hallway I could use to avoid certain people. I didn't feel safe. I wasn't safe. I was lacking other things too, and education- actually learning was clear at the top of the triangle... Maslow's theory helped me in a profound way to realize maybe I was smart enou...

 I was born as a small baby, but that quickly changed. I can't say exactly when I started being chubbier than my peers? I've been told that I was very young (1 or 2) and could be heard saying, "No toast, no cereal." Dieting started early. I quickly learned that I was different and different wasn't good. I have a very vague memory from when I was 4. A group of kids sitting on a couch.  They wouldn't let me sit with them because I was too big & they were calling me names. I don't remember much from Kindergarten and 1st grade. 2nd grade, we moved to Tonasket and I got hammered there.  My best friend was a troublemaker bad boy. He was very protective of me & even jumped out of the detention window one time to help me fight these older kids that kept bothering me at recess. He was my hero. I was a scrapper.  4th grade, now, we lived in Kent 1/2 a year. I know I got picked on but nobody sticks out. My second half of 4th grade we moved to Auburn. The kids...