Barnett's (Losing Grandpa B)

My youngest cousin called Grandpa & Grandma B "Bonka & "Bonna," because of how she heard their titles pronounced I think. The name "Bonka" stuck with me & I called my Grandpa that early on in life & for all the days he was with us. 

I tried to comfort Bonka after Grandma passed. He had seen me involved in so much with her & thanked me. I smiled and thanked him for his example of love & for favoring her needs over his own. We sat & held hands. We cried together each visit. No words were needed which was a good thing because neither of us knew what to say anyhow. How would I know the loss of a lifetime love? They had been married longer than I was alive and now she was gone.

Bonka had to figure out how to carry on without his sweetheart... I was so concerned about him but had to return to Oregon. I had about 5 more months to complete an AA, then planned to transfer to Oregon State University.  Or so I thought. It's funny how I plan things, then life events make twists & turns in every path I thought I'd go down...God has His own ways & timing. They aren't mine! But Gods ways in His time are perfect. And mine are like me, very flawed & in need of work!

My Grandpa wasn't sure what to do or where to go, but he did know one thing:  he did not like living in Wenatchee. There were many one ways, the roads were unfamiliar & Bonka was having troubles just going to the store on his own. His children decided he shouldn't be driving so they took his car away. He had noisy neighbors who threw big parties, he just had complaints about everything. He complained every day to my dad.  I don't know the whole series of events or dates, but my parents offered Grandpa a basement apartment. And Grandpa happily accepted that offer. 

My parents were both still working at that time and had talked to me about needing someone here in the day to check in on Grandpa. I was trying to complete a Bachelor's degree and had planned to do that in Oregon, but looked into my options from Tonasket. It seemed like such an honor & a no-brainer that I'd be Bonkas caregiver. It took a little extra planning, then i  transferred to WSU online. It worked out well that I would read or work on a paper and take frequent breaks to be with Grandpa. 

So often, I'd come in to find Bonka with the TV muted, watching the Mariners. He had names for each player & liked to tell the officials/coaches/players what they had just done wrong. Half the time I didn't know WHO he was talking about but I'd nod my head, was genuinely amused and entertained by him, just hold his hand and be there! I did his dishes, cleaned things as he'd allow, mend some wounds on his body, run errands as needed, but mostly just be there! It was so important to him to have someone there by his side. His sweetheart had always been there by his side.... Through every thing imaginable- the good & the bad, the victories and challenges, all the things that life could bring to a couple married over 60 years! It's such a rare gift for marriages to last decades long, & that bride and groom would only be separated by "death do we part," but they had it! Bonka and Bonna LOVED each other every day they had together. They were a beautiful example of a covenant marriage for all of their children and those yet to come. 

As for me: I got to be a part of my Grandpas every day for the last 6 years of his life. I got to have the conversations, share memories, laughter and tears. I got to remember, honor and serve both my grandparents. I would never change any of that and thank God so much for those days! 

I was newly in love, then engaged & finally to be wed to Fono during those years with Bonka. Fono was incarcerated (another story for another time) & was housed in Aberdeen. We were allowed a Pastor & 2 witnesses. Our Pastor Vern got to bring his wife (also a pastor) and we chose my parents to witness the marriage. My dad, mom & I drove to Aberdeen while one of my uncle's stayed with Grandpa. When the three of us said goodbye to him, we did so fully expecting to see him when we returned. 

The prison had set our date for August 11, 2011. God called Grandpa home to Heaven on August 10, 2011. You know the whole God's TIMING & WAYS not being mine? Yeah so... I had my saddest night- with news of his passing;  followed by my happiest time- saying I do with Fono, followed by extreme sadness again having to leave my new husband at prison, just a half hour after marrying him, then more sadness having to return home to no Grandpa.

There was an empty physical space that Grandpa used to fill for sure. I came into his apartment often. Out of habit I suppose. I half expected him to walk around the corner or hollar from the bathroom that he'd be right in. There was an empty emotional and spiritual place that Grandpa had filled in my heart and life, and I didn't know how to feel. It made my heart smile to think of him and Grandma reunited at last. I was so happy that He was in Heaven with Jesus and no longer in pain. 

I had little closure over Grandpas passing. I had had so much time with Grandma's body but  I didn't get back in time to view his. It was never his desire anyhow to have people gawking at him. His funeral took place up at the cemetery in Conconully and was "short and sweet."  All my family members seemed anxious to get to the church for a meal but I stayed with the casket until it was lowered in the ground. I don't do permanent goodbyes very well. I wasn't ready for this one. What a wonderfully full life my Bonka lived. Born October 2, 1920 & passed away August 10, 2011. 

Well, now, 10 years have passed (almost to the day) and I live in Grandpa's apartment. I literally think of him each day and I miss just being with him, holding hands, words or no words (I grew comfortable with either and think he preferred the silence). I know one day I'll get to see him & my Grandma again and I can't help but long for that day! How I loved them both so dearly!