The Littles part 2

 I wrote my history of work with children and families (working with the littles) so you'd know where I'm coming from & why...

I've been encouraged to share some thoughts on good parenting and appropriate child development. My mom says I make things simple. I feel like these are simple things yet sometimes so hard to do... I'll probably share more & please request a topic if I fail to address it. 

This is for parents, grandparents, teachers, babysitter's, nannies, etc.

*It is okay to say "NO" to a child. They need to learn the word and what it means. They need to know that there are consequences when they say yes to a no. Obviously we NEED the word. No, don't touch that stove, you will get burned. No, playing in the street is not okay because you are too little Traffic to see.

This stuff about twisting all the nos into a yes. A do not run to we use walking feet or no yelling to let's use our inside voice is mostly ridiculous. No has it's place. Children need to hear No. They need boundaries.

* Boundaries are a beautiful thing that give children a safe place to work within. For the adult it is a parameter that they set a place of things they will allow & promote and protect.  Some folks have smaller boundaries. They're only ok with one type of play, one style of learning, hyper-focused on the educational piece, etc. I set wide boundaries where play was encouraged to happen with every activity and where individual learning could take place. I was pretty cool with MOST things as long as they didn't break my rules. 

*MY RULES are & always have been really simple. 1) We won't hurt others 2) we won't hurt ourselves and 3) we won't hurt our property (l use different verbage like respect for older kids or explain where needed)  do you want to paint? Play with playdough or Legos or..  build a fort and pretend you're in a castle, tell stories and laugh? Do you want to go outside and splash in the hoses, play ball, use sidewalk chalk or bubbles? If you respect others, yourself & our property then all of these activities will be ok. 

*CONSEQUENCES- you choose. Some things are acceptable to the state or center/school you work for. They decide those & set the parameters /boundaries you must work within. You can still have YOUR rules. I set up an absolute no tolerance to bullying or name calling in my music class. Most groups complied but one group of kids had a terrible time. So I made a "nickel pot" and found a package of fake coins. Each student started out with 5 nickels @ the beginning of the week. If they kept them all, they could buy things from my nickel store BUT if they name called there went a coin in the pot. By the end of the week they had no coins left and nothing. I asked for suggestions of little things they would like to see in our nickel store and built quite a collection. By the end of our time no child was losing any coins & stopping themselves when they started to. I shared with then WHY it was important to me & how I had been bullied & this group of WILD 5th graders began to share & cry about things done to them or their loved ones. It was magical. Music lesson is done. Let's talk & share... I've found that taking away things or privileges is a great consequence. The little loses his favorite toy or is grounded from a show he usually watched. The older lose their phone privileges... Whatever you choose stick with it. If you are wishy washy then you are showing them that you don't really mean it & really they can do whatever they want. 

*BE CONSISTENT.  Whatever you decide to use as a consequence, rule or boundary stick with it! This doesn't work for the lazy parent. You have to stay after whatever it is. If the child senses he can break your rules, he will. You have to make it not an option to have conduct outside of your boundaries. It helps the child know what's expected of him or her. It creates a safe place 

*Give true CHOICES This is the last I'll share for now. This is so important. You decide the child HAS to have carrots tonight. You've asked him already if he wants carrots & he says no he doesn't. You are not ok with this answer so you get frustrated and say, well you are going to eat the carrots. And you enter into a power struggle. You could have given a true choice: do you want to put the carrots on your plate or do you want me to help you? Did you want carrots or peas tonight?   Giving choices that are real and ok for them either way empowers them to make decisions for themselves now and in the future. It honors your rules set and what Your goals were. Do you care either way? No your goal was met ... TA DA