Growing up Barnett

 Now, please realize that part of why I'm blogging is for my own sanity- to be able to remember &recollect, find right wording, tell my story & share my story. And with great hope that something I say might resonate with someone who's reading & speak to them in some way. 

I don't remember much before age 5 & I guess that's probably "normal recall." The Barnett's were (are still) a large family. My dad is one of six children.  Those six had 12 kids-the cousins- we were a dozen strong, with 7 older than me & 4 younger. Life seems so much simpler when I think back to those times. I think it's partly that I was a kid & sheltered from the weight of the world. But I think the other part was that the world & our nation wasn't being bombarded with all the madness that we are these days! We were more of "One Nation Under God," we are not ONE in our current state & we're not concerning ourselves with God...

When I was 5, my grandparents lived in Wenatchee and cared for Grandma's mom. We would visit them often, I want to say once a week or so but as a kid I had no concept of time. What I do clearly remember are the long, boring stretches of road between there and home. How could I ever forget my baby brother's car sickness- the inevitable puke 🤢 coming from the middle seat of our station wagon. Poor little guy.

Grandma B & her mom were this childs' delight. They sang to me the sweetest songs ( 🎵🎶 I've a dear little dolly & her eyes are bright blue. She can open & shut them & she smiles @me too 🎵🎶)  (🎵🎶 A smile is such a little thing, why guard it with such care for Midas gave his precious gold and smiles were everywhere. In every little sunbeam, in every flower & spring, there are God's guardian angels to watch o'er you & me 🎵🎶)   I wish I could remember the lyrics better and many songs have been totally forgotten.

My great grandma was a beautiful WARRIOR who fought off all other voices in my life. She was funny, never seemed to see my weight or care about it if she did. She'd often "sneak" me a candy out of her dish or graham crackers out of her stash & say it was just between us.  She was ready with a song or a joke, or just a story of her life. Perhaps I was a strange audience, but I found it a so interesting. She had lived a full life & I was only beginning mine. I was entertained by her,  felt safe with her, so loved by her & accepted. 

My great grandma was one of my favorite people. She passed away when I was only seven. I was heartboken and a little mad because I wanted to go to her funeral service but I wasn't allowed to. I guess my parents didn't want me to see her body lying their life less & have that be my last memory of her. I appreciate their protection now & do understand but then I did not. I've always needed closure on any social events in my life and can only imagine that I was that way even then. But anyhow, life did go on.

Seems it was not too much longer after great grandma's death, 5 years or so maybe, that my grandparents retired and moved to the very small town of Conconully. I think they ended up living there over 20 years total. I don't know the dates or even necessarily how old I was when but I sure know how much fun I had "growing up" in that house. It was the stuff childhood dreams are made of. Frequently, several to all of "the kids" (my dad & his siblings & us cousins) would come. Grandma would welcome all & just throw more taters in the pot to make dinner work. She was amazing at making a little go along way & nobody complained because everything was delicious.b

One summer, my brothers& I lived with Grandpa & grandma. My grandpa would go outside to work in his garden or tinker in his sheds. Or go fishing, looking for firewood, anything to find peace & quiet. We felt like he was too strict & stern with us. We were happy to be left in Grandma's care. When she needed a break, which was often with the 3 of US, she'd send us outdoors. She had old rickety bikes we could ride. We explored the local creeks and state park which came alive with little frogs much to our delight. On special occasions or when we were really homesick for our parents, Grandma let us go swimming in a real pool, or rent a VHS movie. She had limited resources but always tried to treat us. We three delighted in her and me most of all. 

I took every chance I got to be with Grandma B as an escape and sanctuary. No bullying, no competing or arguing with my brothers, peace and rest. I liked her low key lifestyle. I didn't realize mobility was painful for her or that she couldn't go and do much. I preferred being inside myself and thought nothing of going to get the mail for her or bringing the laundry in to fold it, or shopping with her sitting on the bench while I ran to get the items. My grandma was my favorite human being. She made me feel like I was hers, but she had 11 other grandkids so I knew that wasn't fair. My mom told me later in life that she loved each of us the most. She made everyone feel like her favorite ❤️💜

Some of the things that Grandma taught me can't really be put into words. But I'll share one that forever changed my life.  

* Grandma B was an amazing correspondent.  She sent birthday, anniversary, holiday cards to all of us Barnett's and as us cousins started having kids she remembered each one of them too. She wrote to her side of the family- her sisters and brothers, (I think she had 12) the inlaws,, nephews & nieces all heard from her on their birthdays & @ times of graduation, new babies and new moves, times of sympathy & sorrow. She also had many friends in other states- the Dakota's, Arizona, California- there were more. All of these were my Grandma's people. I can so vividly remember my big, very sloppy, uncontrolled and hard to read writing @ age 7. My grandma had said to me, "it's time to write our friends" and I truthfully replied, "I don't have any friends to write!" My Grandma so wisely responded, "that's okay! Then you can just write my friends!" So I would give a hearty hello. Draw some unrecognizable image & a 😊❤️ with my name.

As I got a little older, 10? by 12 for sure, I attended church camps. I switched locations from Auburn to Tonasket. I collected friends addresses along the way, and got my own address book. When Grandma decided it was time to write our friends, I actually had some. I ended up writing several of her friends still anyways. Grandma had instilled in me a LOVE for writing & it was something I actually really enjoyed. I especially loved when people would write back. Getting mail rocked and being able to talk that way was a very safe method for me. I never got judged for what I looked like or that I had gained alot of weight, had extra zits or ugly hair- it was just words on paper.  I began to write like crazy and as most of you know, it stuck with me. 

When Grandma got really ill and grew too weak to write, I'd wink at her and say its time to write our friends. I was able to buy colorful and meaningful stationary for her, most of which was hummingbird themed because they were what she loved. We would go through her book with all of the dates our family members had been born or married or passed. We'd figure out who needed cards and if grandma owed anyone a letter. She'd speak and I'd write... We had come full circle 

(TO BE CONTINUED)