Being Bullied

 I was born as a small baby, but that quickly changed. I can't say exactly when I started being chubbier than my peers? I've been told that I was very young (1 or 2) and could be heard saying, "No toast, no cereal." Dieting started early. I quickly learned that I was different and different wasn't good.

I have a very vague memory from when I was 4. A group of kids sitting on a couch.  They wouldn't let me sit with them because I was too big & they were calling me names. I don't remember much from Kindergarten and 1st grade. 2nd grade, we moved to Tonasket and I got hammered there.  My best friend was a troublemaker bad boy. He was very protective of me & even jumped out of the detention window one time to help me fight these older kids that kept bothering me at recess. He was my hero. I was a scrapper. 

4th grade, now, we lived in Kent 1/2 a year. I know I got picked on but nobody sticks out. My second half of 4th grade we moved to Auburn. The kids were mean. I had some neighbors who stuck up for me to the bullies that walked home with us. Seems like they could always find me & target me. 5th grade was much the same- getting called names, fighting my bullies, getting in trouble for it. School was like a warzone for me.

With 6th grade came Mona. My very 1st Polynesian friend. She was taller than me and weighed more than me. She was strong and I was glad she had befriended me quickly. Mona had a confidence and comfortability in her own skin. I wanted to be like that. She made me feel ok, normal, accepted. She was strong and we both knew how to fight. We had these 2 boys that loved to stick and prod at us. They were little gophers who dug in at every opportunity to bother us and they were quick. Of course they teased us cause we would run after them but never catch them. One day we caught them off guard and just started kicking & slapping them. They grabbed our hair and tried to get us off of them but we were both relentless.

The 4 of us got pulled apart and led straight to the principals office. The boys were called first. We couldn't hear the conversation but they came out and apologized.  I don't remember the words but I remember the principal wanting to know why we were fighting and both Mona and I described the torture they had put us through with daily name calling, provoking, physically hitting us etc. The principal told us we were free to go and even complimented us for telling him the truth. He said we needed to report any thing like that in the future. The boys were called back in & suspended for a week. It was the best week of 6th grade for me and I my inner cry for justice began to heard.

7th grade we moved back to Tonasket. There were people who remembered me from 2 & 3rd grade. They were not fond memories. I wasn't well liked. I spent my summer at the city pool and was body shamed, teased, pushed,splashed, tortured. School was the same way for 7th and 8th. The principal was my best friends Dad and I pleaded with him to pull me out of PE and let me do anything else. I let him know how no one would pick me for their team and how the teacher wouldn't budge how I had to stretch and had to perform. She demanded that I pull up my own weight on a rope and run a mile just like everyone else only I was double the size/weight of everyone else. I couldn't do it. She was a mean lady and never got anywhere pleasing with her. She totally belittled and shamed me in front of all my peers. She was a bully.

 So I told my stories to my principal. He excused me permanently from PE and assigned me to Library duty... It was so refreshing, a quiet haven bully free. The librarian & her assistant taught me so much. How to index books, repair old books, help other students, alphabetize and organize shelves. I loved it- my kind of work & safe environment. 

In the hallways I'd get slammed into lockers. I had one on the bottom so would be tripped or pushed all the way to the floor. Name calling was a given and it was always a combo of fat,stupid and ugly. Everyone else was normal, they were popular and great so I just knew it was MY problem. I lost my desire to fight back. If I cried it was just a clue that they had one & the behavior would worsen. I conditioned myself not to cry until I got home. It worked some times. 

9th year began and "Freshman initiation" was allowed, encouraged even. I never really understood it but all the upper classmen were able to make you carry their books & do errands for them. I was always late & so embarrassed when the classroom desks we're all filled up except for the ones where the table and chair were connected and I couldn't fit in those. All included in 9th and 10th grade; I was spit on,punched, slapped, had my hair pulled, my head was slammed into the toilet (they couldn't lift me) with my head soaking wet they'd grab a garbage & dump it in my head. I was pushed, tripped, kicked, anything mean you can think of.

One day a group of football players decided they'd get in a circle and push me around person to person. We were all in the hallway & just happened to be right by Mr P's room. He heard as I was being slammed into a locker and came out to investigate. He was a very muscular, strong man the assistant football coach. He helped me up from the floor and asked was I ok I just nodded my head but I was terrified. He grabbed 2 players and slammed then both into a locker. He threatened them that they knew better and if he ever heard of anything like this again he was going to kick then off the team. He had them all leave " before you are the one getting beat up, " he was threatening them. I was freaking out inside. He was shaking & livid.

Mr P came to me told me he was so sorry his team had beat me up. He said I didn't deserve that no matter what I looked like. He said I was smart, one of the best students in his class. He talked to me about body acceptance and encouraged me that there are actually men who PREFER big ladies. I was overwhelmed & felt safe to cry so I did. Mr P told me to tell him if anything like that happened again. One night after a football game I was trying to walk home and it happened and I did tell Mr P on the following Monday and they were let go from the team. Mr P was an awesome teacher and helped save my life.

As 11th grade approached I begged to not have to go back to school. Please I'll do anything. My mom's cousin had offered me a place to stay in Kent & the clinic she worked for had been having weightless success with a medical fasting program called HMR. We agreed that I could take my Junior year of highschool off in weightloss pursuit. I moved & started the fast. I was able to get down to 1/2 my weight. I could wear my mom's pants. I felt normal. I never was a runner in PE or otherwise but at least I could jog and kind of keep up. I exercised a LOT. 

When I returned back to 11th grade my classmates we're all Seniors. That was kind of strange but I was well received with the next class down. I looked people in the eye now. I'd scrap if I need to. I had enough wherewithal to keep myself from getting beaten and I had so much rage inside from how I had been treated. I developed a really bad mouth. I'm not proud of it now but I just cussed these wanna be bullies out. I would befriend and hang with the underdogs. And they all scrapped. I still got called the fat, ugly, stupid names but the physical stuff chilled out and I was able to graduate high school a day late & 200 pounds lighter. I had accomplished something.

(To Be Continued)