Finding God Again

 I was most recently diagnosed with a bad case of COVID, and PNUEMONIA and was in diastolic heart failure ALL @ once. 

I was sent by ambulance to a hospital about 3& 1/2 hours away. The driver got lost& ended up on an unpaved road. It jiggled & twisted me up inside. I remember hurting and crying out Jesus please help us get there. Please help me. Please...   I don't know the rest but that it took us over 6 hours to arrive. Only to find I had to wait 36 hours in ER for a room my mom kept calling but I didn't have a location, I was in a corner makeshift room behind a curtain... I was an unknown. I don't have any recollection of those 2 days. I was moved to the COVID ward & have no recollection but I'm told I called my mom on one of those nights and said, Goodbye mama, I can't do this anymore. I love you. Goodbye & I hung up. I don't remember

On the 5th day they asked me do you know your name? I did. Where are we? The hospital. Do you know your birthdate & yes I got that right. Do you know today's date. No but I know I came here May 24. Kara, today is May 30 Oh no. What? Oh no my husbands birthday. May 28. You have a husband? Yes. 

Total silence: his job was done. I laid there for a long time and wondered who these people were that I had seen so far. All came covered head to toe with Star Wars Droids looking headpieces under shields topped with helmets masks on in these plastic pop off suits that looked like Legos and booties. I couldn't connect with any of them. None of them did connect with me. Only state why they were there and do it and leave ... Looking back maybe that was fear of COVID

A lot of coming & going but no connection at all, no touch. I'm alone.  I don't know how many HOURS I was left or what but I heard myself say please please help me. Please God please God this hurts.

God please help ... Over & over & over I cried. I could see people walk by but I wasn't seen or heard. I tried to yell but no one... and then someone knocked on my door. She said I'm not a nurse or a Dr but I'm a chaplain. Can I come talk with you? I stared at her & said yes please & asked if she could hold my hand. 

She had cold, small hands like my mom has. I held on tight as she asked me questions I didn't Have answers for & couldn't even compute. She asked me if I was a person of faith. I gave a blank stare. She said, "do you know Jesus?'. "Jesus? Yes I know Jesus! I love Jesus!" She asked if she could pray for me& did. Then she told me she had to go, that she was actually on her way to another room but had HEARD ME...

.wow! Someone heard me. I begged her don't go. Don't take my Jesus. But she had to  everything went silent again but now I remembered Jesus! I started to remember old songs from Sunday school, scripture (Your word I have hid in my heart. .Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

One of the staff noticed that the way I was placed I couldn't see the TV. She said that there was an all music station. She put it on& it was soft instrumental. The notes resonated deep within me -& reminded me of more old songs. Hymnal songs and praise choruses... It kept me company like an old friend and helped my thoughts clear up. I'm sure it was good for my lungs. 

I found God. I found His Son Jesus. The Holy Spirit was there to comfort and help me. I was not ALONE. I can never be alone because God made a promise to never leave or forsake me. I belonged to Him. It was so refreshing! 






Comments

  1. LindaJune 18, 2021 at 3:28 PM

    Awe sweet Kara - so thankful for the angel that came and ministered to you - God will NEVER leave us or forsake us - I am so thankful for this one that heard your cry and came ... thank you for writing and keep writing and sharing His Word, His care, His future for you and for each of us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJune 18, 2021 at 7:05 PM

    Beautiful ... Simple acts of kindness are such beacons of hope ... So thankful that you came back to us, and are sharing your amazing love and spirit yet again. Love You!

    ReplyDelete

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